JUST EXIST

I was once asked how I’d like to be remembered
And I simply smiled and said
“I’d rather stay forever”
It was possibly my loudest cliché
But felt better than just walking away
I don’t know what my legacy will be
A song, some words I wrote, or a kid I’ll never see
All of these things scare me half to death
I’ll suffer the day just hoping for the best
But that’s not to say I don’t think that all of this can change
But that’s not to say I won’t wake up some day
With a lion’s pride that I’m going to be okay
If again I’m asked how I’d like to be remembered
Next time I’ll be better prepared for the answer
But you’ll never know much of the truth
So I’ll just exist, it’s all I can do
So much to consider and too much to grasp
To swallow mortality is enough of a task
And leaving your mark is just too much to ask.
I’ll just bow my head and leave out the back

TO WRITE CONTENT

You can call this coming clean
Or the repeat of what you know
About the struggles I once had
As I’m learning to let go
I made a pledge to myself
If I was to raise my voice
To be direct as I can be
No matter what I may destroy
But I can’t say I haven’t aged
I’ve outgrown what I used to be
I won’t fake what is expected
To succeed with album three (that’s not me)
Does this mean that the words won’t come?
Does this mean that I’m at my end?
If my joy comes with the price of my love
I won’t pay if I have to pretend
There’s always a chance to relapse and fall back
To the person I still fear is there
So if this ink will suddenly run out
I’ll refill if I feel the need to share
It was the fall of last year in New York City
Day two of a tour, when my friend Johnny said
“Hey, I’d like you to meet Andy”
We got to talking and connected on some things
Mutual friends and how his band started writing
But then something was spoke
I knew exactly what he meant
I understood when he said
“It’s hard to write content”
And it still is, and it still is
But I won’t take a step back
Though it might be for the best
And it still is, and it still is
I know you asked for some advice
They use your blood to capitalize
So give up all your secrets
To move units, display your weakness
You might spend some years alone
At the price of forgetting your home
So expose what hurts you the worst
The exchange deals a handsome return (are you in?)

PRAISE / LOVE

I’m amplified by a microscope
Every word I say becomes a joke
Sweat poured down and it blinded me
Myself exposed for everyone to see
A glutton for praise
A glutton for love
Abuse my name for all of the above

ANYONE / ANYTHING

You want to know what I am doing here?
The same reason it’s been for all these years
Being made to feel like an outcast in my own home
You question me on my own affinity
Well I ask of you, “who do you think you see?”
Being made to feel like I’m no longer wanted
In the place I found for that same problem
I don’t owe anyone
I don’t owe anything
So stop expecting everything from me
You don’t owe me a thing
I’m just trying to be
So just stop answering for me
I see the contradiction
I see through it’s ways
I see through everyone living fast in a passing phase
There’s people that changed me
There’s songs that saved me from all of this
There’s days that defined me
There’s nights that gave me strength from all of this
So here I am looking past it all reciting
A glutton for praise
A glutton for love
Abuse my name for all of the above

DNA

Just say the word and I’ll be on my way,
Regardless of the time
It’s just how I was made
To explain;
I’m here for a reason so make use of me
I’m hungry and I’m thirsty
So I hope you’ll be joining.
My Father is a helper
But my Father made mistakes
I see myself in him as I’m a product of his ways.
Or maybe I just like the attention.
You can stay here tonight
I won’t ask any questions
Don’t call it polite
It’s just a suggestion.
Please stay here tonight.
I’d be a liar if I said I was ready for this
I have a past and a poison
That I can admit
But this is what I need
To bury the years of debris
To break the circle of the cycles
And stop living vicariously
And start living for me

HARBOR

Call it a learning process
And I've never been that quick
Because I take things as they come
And I respond how I see fit
But it's easy to get distracted
As I've been living life abroad
But I'm starved for your acceptance
And I work for your applause
I'd always envisioned myself as a giver
But as I reflect I've left something to be desired
Not that my heart
Hasn't ever delivered
But that it's never felt
This inspired
To have direction
To feel complete
To embrace affection
To end all the woe is me
But mainly to harbor the love that I have to give
But for tonight let's just stay inside
Well it's far too loud and I just want quiet
And if we die before we wake
I'll blame it on the past mistakes
Without you
I'm not pure
Without you
I'm not clean
But if I'm going down with you
Then you're going down with me
What I'm afraid of
Is what is certain
And what I'm sure of
Is that it's on me
But I'm too tired to be that person
And that person needs to be set free
To harbor the love that I have to give

KEROSENE

It’s the early signs of disintegration
The back and forth from a new machine
It’s been blessed and burned into a formation
By a wish dipped in kerosene
So who’s going to light the fuse?
Who’s going to be the one to hold high the flame?
Because I refuse
And I’ve just begun so don’t hold me down I’m almost done
A lesson lived through the loss of love
This is not a search for who’s at fault
It’s more of a plea for hope and understanding
It’s the side effects of adoration
The come and go and get out clean
I’ve been cursed and freed from dedication
By a wish dipped in kerosene

BLUE ANGELS

Since you’re so curious
Well it’s anything really
Call it my witching hour
Or what calls to me
But to be serious
It’s worse than you think
Should I be ashamed
Because of what I need?
Define right and wrong
In regard to what’s going on
Take two
Slip away till the afternoon
It’s an easy remedy for what I just can’t do
Over the counter and over the moon
I have my beliefs
This has me confused
What can I do?
I feel relief in just watching you breathe
It’s hypnotizing like an inner peace
I get fixated on your deepest breaths
Waiting for the angels to take their effect.

SOCIAL CATERPILLAR

It’s not for nothing
But I’ve seen a transformation
Like I consider my happiness for the first time in ages
You might say I’m off
But it’s the first time I’m feeling on
Don’t worry
I still get dizzy in the usual situations
Most people I know
I’ve used as camouflage
I’ve circled myself with pretty people
To hide who I was
I won’t miss them and they won’t miss me
I’ll tie in those loose ends
A string is just the thread to separation
I’ll retire these old clothes
To brace for a wardrobe that no one knows
Don’t worry
I still get dizzy
In the usual situations
But it’s those instances
I have used to ground me on occasion

NON FICTION

Every moment can’t remain
And every life won’t stay the same
With time comes a layer of rust
And our bones will turn to dust
Everyone will fall away
And every season is built on change
With time the paint will peel
And all sense will lose it’s feel
Every cloth will start to fray
And every night will become day
With time a mold will form
And what’s cold can become warm
Every love can’t always stay
And the dead will soon decay
With time we’ll all be gone
But how you’ve lived can live on

STEPS

Over and under
I’ll dissolve and use charm as my cover
Left over right
Walk a careful line between you and the outside
There is confidence and delusion
I reside between that confusion
It’s a misstep down a black hole
It’s a long way down and a mouthful
So overcome and become one
Over and under
We learn to grow and we learn to recover
Over and out
I’ll play the card that holds me in less doubt
There’s promiscuity and devotion
Only one fulfills an emotion
It’s a big step to end a yearning
It’s accepting love but I’m learning
To overcome and become one.
I’ll find my way and follow through
And maybe there I’ll meet you.

IS SURVIVED BY

It’s a song of thanks
Sung by a hack
When the reflection of yourself
Just won’t look back
It’s that panic you feel
when you don’t know what to say
When everyone wants in
And you want the subject to change.
Because I’ve been swallowed up
And I’ve been split in two
And I’m not sure which is me
And who I respond through
So notify my next of kin
And let them know
There’s so much more to believe in
It doesn’t have to be based on blood
Because the next in line
Shouldn’t have to know what they’re made of
This is survived by who held me up
This is survived by who sang the song
And that sense of purpose has made it all worth it
So write a song that everyone can sing along to
So when you’re gone you can live on
They won’t forget you
This is survived by a love.
This is survived by a cause;
That you aren’t the only
Who remembers what it was
This is survived by a love
This is survived by a wish;
That you won’t let down
Who has attached themselves to it
This is survived by a love.
This is survived by a fear;
That all that’s left when said and done
Is words you will never ever hear